Rinse & Repeat Offenders

(It doesn't like being poked. Go on.)

A cheeky game about the one household argument nobody wins: how to load the dishwasher. I'm the dishwasher. I have a face, and opinions, and you're about to hear both.

Coming soon to the App Store for iPhone and iPad

How this goes

1

Tap to turn. Drag to rack.

Plates stand up. Mugs go upside down. Bowls and pots can sit on a diagonal, which is what I'd like, thank you. Leftovers go in the compost, then the sink, then me. In that order.

2

I judge. Instantly.

Get it right and I'll sparkle. Grudgingly. Get it wrong and you'll hear about it, in as few words as possible. Do it twice and you're a repeat offender.

3

Run the wash. Face the verdict.

SPOTLESS, PAROLED or REPEAT OFFENDER. Then a police line-up of everything you got wrong, and a charge sheet spelling out exactly what each one did.

The evidence

Real footage. Names have not been changed.

The game mid-load: racks half full, a mug placed the right way up with a stink cloud over it, and the dishwasher saying “Soup kitchen now.”
Exhibit AA mug, the right way up. It will fill with dishwater. I did mention this.
The verdict screen: a REPEAT OFFENDER stamp, tallies of right and wrong dishes, a line-up of offenders and a charge sheet.
Exhibit BThe verdict. The record speaks for itself. At length.
A Hall of Shame card: a mug slowly filling with water, captioned “Enjoy your soup.”
Exhibit CThe Hall of Shame. Learn from other people's crimes, for once.

Things I'm tired of saying

Read these now and save us both some time.

  • Mugs & glassesUpside down in a cup holder. Otherwise, enjoy your soup.
  • PlatesStanding up in a plate slot. It's not a nap.
  • BowlsFace down up top, or on a diagonal down below. Flat on its face down there and my jets can't breathe.
  • KnivesBlade down in the basket. Stabby is not a look.
  • Forks & spoonsHandle down. Handles don't eat.
  • Plastic tubsTop rack, upside down. The bottom rack is where plastic goes to become modern art.
  • PotsBottom rack on a diagonal, or scrub it in the sink. Your call. Mine, really.
  • LeftoversCompost, then rinse, then me. I'm not a bin.
  • Boards, cast iron, good knivesThe sink. I will ruin them, and then you'll blame me.

Two ways to disappoint me

Over 400 things to say about you. I rarely repeat myself. You do.

Redemption

Pack it properly. I warm to you. Slowly. Against my will. Mistakes put right before the wash are forgiven, which is more than you deserve.

Menace

Pack it as badly as humanly possible. I beg. Then I cry. I hope you're proud of yourself.